Homeschooling and Overexcitabilities

This month's Hoagies blog hop is about Overexcitiblites, something I have mentioned several times before on my blog. Both Builder Boy and Early Bird demonstrate various overexcitabilities (here after shortened to OE's) and that has both hampered and helped our homeschooling efforts.

(I have also posted about Overexcitabilities portrayed in film here.)

Gifted Babies: Where are the Resources?

Looking back, Builder Boy was my "easy" baby. I had a baby milestone book that he never deviated from. He was always "right on schedule" and I never worried about delayed or advanced. Sure, he did a few things here or there that seemed a bit unusual, and he could stack blocks higher than the milestone list said, but other than that, no signs of giftedness that were obvious enough to make oblivious me think he was anything other than perfectly average.

A Friday at Sceleratus Classical Academy

I had plans for this day; plans for this blog post. I was going to do what a fellow blogger did and take a picture on the hour, every hour of one day to give a snap shot of the day. But nothing this day went according to plan....which is actually pretty representative of almost every single day here.

Lilo: Dabrowski's Gifted Child in Reel Life

I've mentioned Gifted Overexcitabilites before, and linked before to the SENG page outlining them and the wonderfully-easy-to-understand-even-if-you're-new-to-this Jade Ann Rivera's posts about them. I was talking to my good friend Care from Homeschooling Hatters about our topic for this blog hop, and she pointed out that most media/books/movies/etc. paint either a positive, academically strong gifted ideal with none of the downsides, or make the smart kid the butt of jokes. As a result, very few people who aren't parenting a gifted child with overexcitabilites have never heard of them, and have a very incomplete picture of what being gifted really means.

Around the time I was researching about gifted overexcitabilites I watched the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch to see if it was something that would be a good movie for the kids. As I watched it I was struck by how much this little girl was acting like the things I had been reading about. And while Disney may not have intended it that way, they were clearly portraying a gifted child with several of Dabrowski's overexcitabilites, as well as other characteristics of a gifted child. (Spoilers ahead.)

Winter Skirts

Here we are at the end of the series about wearing skirts all year round. I've heard other women talk about how they'd wear skirts all the time if it weren't for winter and how it's too cold to wear skirts then. So this post is about how I manage to wear skirts all through the rain, wind, cold, and snow.

When Gifted Overexcitiblities and an Introverted Personality Collide

Perhaps you've seen this meme before? It's a great visual representation of what it's like to have intellectual overexcitabilities. ALL things are interesting, all activities should be tried. (Except dentistry stuff; that stuff's gross and icky.)

Fall Skirts

I'm going to do this Seasonal Skirts blog hop post a little differently because, well, you're already seen almost all the skirts I own already. I wear the same skirts all year round. Some people might wonder if that doesn't get boring, or don't other people notice? After all, you could wear the same pair of jeans every day of the week and as long as they were clean, no one would notice. But with skirts, people notice. Or do they? I have a denim skirt (shown in the summer post) and a khaki skirt (shown in the spring post) that are as close to nondescript jeans as skirts get. As long as I wear a more colorful, eye-catching top, I doubt people are looking at me and trying to remember if that's the same skirt I was wearing the last time they saw me. I mean, are you tracking what people around you wear?

Are You an Advocate for the Gifted?

Are you a parent of a gifted child? If you are, then you are a giftedness advocate. Because whether or not you are homeschooling or public schooling, asking for accommodation or going with the flow, chances are there are times where you have to explain your child to someone else. When you do that, you're being an advocate.

The Search for Friends: Part 2

In May I wrote about the trouble we've been having in trying to find friends for the boys. Some things have worked out, some have not. Early Bird and Builder Boy spent every morning for a week at our church's Vacation Bible School. Early Bird came out of it with another friend; Builder Boy didn't. I asked Builder Boy about it, and he said that the other boys (there were so many kids that they were divided by grade and gender) were "stinking and annoying."  I asked him what he meant about that, and he did not like that they were "pushing and kicking and cutting [in line]" while he was the only one following the rules. On one hand I was proud of him for being discerning, and not following the crowd in bad behavior. On the other hand I was sad for my isolated son in whom I saw so much of my own, lonely childhood self.

Summer Skirts

It's time for another Seasonal Skirts Hop post! And, yes, I really do wear ankle length skirts for most of the summer. They're airy and plenty cool, and at that length I don't have to worry about wind blowing it up, or bending over, or being active with the kids or anything. I'm not much of an outdoorsy person, and I burn horribly in the sun, so air conditioning is my friend. Yes, once in a while there is.....sweat. (Keepin' it real, internet!) That's when I like to stand over a floor vent to cool and dry off. And, since my skirt is so long, there's no need to worry about a Marlyn Moment.

How a Gifted Childhood Prepared Me for Gifted Parenting: Part 2

Yup, that's me.

After writing and posting my contribution to the Parenting the Gifted Blog Hop I realized that I was not yet finished with my subject. Since the theme of this month's GHF Blog Hop is also Gifted Parenting, I thought I would finish the post. (Part 1 is here.) As commenter Dusty pointed out, the things I wrote about are not exclusive to gifted kids; nor is learning from your childhood. Rather, it is the intensity of emotion and potential damage things can inflict that are a greater concern for gifted kids.

I only recently learned about gifted overexcitabilities. I first read about them here and more at SENG here. I was looking for information for my children, and found myself learning about myself as well, It was one of the missing pieces that once in place with my PTSD realization helped free me from a misdiagnosis of Bipolar 2. (More about that on another blog post coming soon.) I think I'm going to need to write a Part 3 for this series, because I keep thinking of more and more things. But for now I'm going to talk about just three: Fairness, Communication, and Protection.

How a Gifted Childhood Prepared Me for Gifted Parenting

I'm a fan of Building Wing Span and in January she posted a blog post entitled "Being Gifted in no way prepares you for Parenting Gifted kids." I was quite surprised by this because I had found the exact opposite to be true for me. Now, re-reading the post it seems that the author was maybe having a bad day. Plus, she has more kids than I do, and her kids have extra gifted attributes that mine do not have. This post is not intended to be a slam on the author. Merely, that post inspired this post.

I admit: I was a weird kid. Even if I hadn't dealt with issues that young kids shouldn't have to, I still would have been a weird kid. I also wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. One of the things I would do as a child would watch my grandmother or other parents I came across in life. I would see things that they did that I or other kids responded to well, and filed those away. I would also look at things that did not work (using fractions to extend the time a kid has when you're counting to a number to get them to do something? Please; no kid respects that.) and decided that I would never do those things. (Tempered, of course, by later teen and adult reading about childhood development.)

I also have quite a lot of memories from my childhood and teenager-hood that I have analyzed. Those years still feel very recent, and those memories are still fresh. Looking back, I have been able to learn a lot from them for what I want for my own children. Especially as I see so much of myself in them at times. 

Being a weird child, I never fit in well with my same age peers. My best friend for the first part of my childhood was almost two years older than me (thank you, Kim, for accepting me even though I was younger!) I found myself drawn to adults for conversation and and social interaction. Sadly, most adults I encountered were not interested in being engaged by a child. Those rare adults that I encountered that did, I treasured. The lady who listened to my interest in becoming a horticulturist and developing a green rose (in elementary school) that showed me a collage level biology text and introduced me to the fun things I later found out were called "Punnett Squares." I remember you, Ma'am. The great uncle who let me enthusiastically show him my small coin collection, and then sent me some "Japanese Invasion Money" and told me the stories of his travels. Those encounters were treasures in my childhood. And because of that, now that I am an adult I strive to be that for every child I encounter who seems like they need that. Not every child does. But there are some who need to be listened to and treated seriously by an adult. I encourage everyone who reads this that when they find those children, those young people, to give them your full attention and some of your time. Because it is a gift to them that they will treasure all of their life.

I lived most of my life with my grandparents. My father's parents for ages 5-12 and then 14-18, and my mother's parents from 12-14. They did their best, and I am grateful for what they did. But they were not prepared to deal with gifted intensities and overexcitabilities. And questions. I don't know if I really asked that many questions, but boy did I get the impression from my grandmother that my burning questions were a complete nuisance and bother to her. Granted, this was in the days before Google. And I suppose it might have been embarrassing for her not to know the answers. But the attitude I perceived in her eventually made me shut down and stop asking. I didn't stop wanting to know. But neither was I taught how to find the answers to my questions. It was an extremely frustrating time for me. Coupled with going through puberty and some other factors and it was also one of my darkest times. Having my own children now, I am delighted when they come up with a question I don't know the answer to. We search and find out together. We follow rabbit trails, watch other suggested YouTube videos, we explore, and we learn. And even if the question is asked at an inconvenient time or has to be put off for a while, I try to never make them feel like they were wrong to ask. That their question is unwanted. If Early Bird wants me to "ask Google Translate" what the Spanish word for "room" is, then we do it. If Builder Boy wants to talk about and figure out how to make domino contraptions by watching videos, we do it. It may not always be the most interesting thing in the world to me, but it is for them; and I hope I never make them feel like such a bother for asking that they stop asking me.

In 4th grade at my elementary school, students were allowed to join band. The great thing about it was they took beginners who had never played before and taught them. Looking back, I'm really unclear how that was feasible. I just know that's how it worked. I wanted to play flute. I REALLY wanted to play flute. I told my grandmother I wanted to play flute. I got a clarinet. Because "everyone else" plays flutes and I should do something different. And my great aunt was able to hand me down a clarinet. So I played the clarinet. And I would look at the flutists longingly, but never said another word about it. Until I moved in the middle of 6th grade to live with my mother's parents. At that school, band did not start until 6th grade, but everyone was required to play. So I was stuck in a classroom filled with beginners who didn't even want to be there. A room full of clarinets and only one flute player. I was able to rent a flute from the school district and taught myself to play and caught up with the class in time to play in the end of year concert. I loved it and as long as I was playing flute, I didn't touch the clarinet. But the school year ended, the flute went away. I moved on to a private school, now out of practice with my clarinet, and haven't played either instrument since. My clarinet was given away to another cousin by my great aunt who was annoyed that I was no longer using it. I shared that to say: please respect your child's passion choices. Don't substitute. This was not the only time a passion I had was taken away and was given something else and expected to just accept that. I'm not trying to say you should give your child everything they want. Most people can't afford that, and if you're open about that it would help a lot. But don't give them something else and expect them to be excited about it. Like ending figure skating lessons and expecting a bicycle to be an adequate replacement. (Okay, clearly I'm still a bit bitter about that one. The reason I was given was that they didn't like taking the time to take me to my once a week lesson.)

I think one of the most frustrating things for me growing up was that the strong emotions and frustrations I dealt with felt dismissed and ignored by my grandparents. Which just made me even more frustrated. I had an incident recently with Early Bird when I was impatient and frustrated myself and demanded a quick, yes or no answer. He didn't say anything so I made a decision. He was very upset because he was still thinking about it and hadn't gotten to reply yet (even though he eventually decided to go with the option I had chosen.) I'll never forget the picture of him, tears streaming down his face, saying "you didn't understand me!" Man that hit home. I scooped him up in my arms and I told him that I was very sorry for not understanding. I did explain that I could not read his mind and see that he had been thinking, and that him asking for a minute to think next time would be helpful. But I completely did understand that frustration and I validated it. Even though my children's emotions are sometimes fleeting, or illogical, or situationally inappropriate, those feelings are very much real and important to them at the time they are feeling them. And while those emotions might fade, they are going to remember how I treated those feelings, and how my treatment of them made them feel. A few months ago I read an article (wish I could find it again!) written to therapists/counselors on how to work with gifted patients and their overexcitabilities. One of their pieces of advice was to validate their patient's feelings; even/especially the emotional overexcitability ones. I didn't get that for myself; I am trying most definitely to do that for my children.

I consider the feelings and thoughts I had as a child to be valid and something I can learn from. I consider my children's feelings and thoughts to be valid. That viewpoint and those memories have helped me empathize with my children and, I think, have diffused some situations faster than they might have had I not empathized.

I love hearing about other people's childhood experiences and thinking about how I can learn from them. (I was a weird child; I guess I never grew out of being weird.) If you would like to share what you've learned from your own childhood, I would love to hear it! Please feel free to comment.

___________________________________________________________________________

This is my contribution for the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2014. I had a wonderful time reading the contributions last year and the year before, and I'm looking forward to this year's.

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2014!

Welcome to the 2014 Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour!
Parenting a gifted child can sometimes be as challenging as it is rewarding. That’s why for the third year in row, parents from The Well Trained Mind Message boards have created a blog tour to share wisdom, joy, tribulations and advice.
Starting Sunday, June 22nd the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour will discuss some of the most pertinent issues facing gifted education today:
On June 22nd Sceleratus Classical Academy will kick off our tour with “How a Gifted Childhood Prepared Me for Gifted Parenting”.
On June 23d At Home in the North Woods will share “Great Expectations, four ideas for dealing with perfectionism.”
On June 24th Homeschooling: or Who’s Ever Home will write about “Following the Passions of the Gifted Child.”
On June 25th Teaching My Baby to Read will feature a guest post.
On June 26th Homeschooling Hatters will discuss “Twice Exceptionality, when just one exception isn’t enough!”
On June 27th Teaching My Baby to Read will write about “Intensity Fades but doesn’t Forget.”
A difficult thing to understand about children with high IQs is that just because they are gifted, it doesn’t mean they are easy to teach or parent. In fact, often times the opposite is true.

This blog tour is written by people who understand what you’re going through. We are sending encouragement your way! So the next time you wake up at 3 AM worrying about your child, at least you’ll know that you aren’t alone.
Thanks for being with us on this journey!

The Search for Friends

Before we moved, I had one friend who had a girl Builder Boy's age, and another daughter ten months younger than Early Bird. We went to a very small, older church that for the last year before we moved had no other children. We attended Bible Study Fellowship once a week and Builder Boy did AWANAs once a week. That was almost the full extent of their experience with other children. They never mentioned making friends in either of their activities. They were (and still are) each other's best friends. My friend's older daughter started public school in kindergarten, so our time with her became very limited during the school year.

After we moved, we did not know anyone. We now belong to a huge church that is easy to get lost in, and hard to connect with people. The boys each have their own Sunday School classes; but the classes are so large that they tend to get lost in the crowd. We started AWANAs again this fall, but still no friends made.

Early Bird started bemoaning our lack of friends, and kept mentioning how sad that made him. I asked him what about the kids in Sunday School? Nope; they don't count. So I asked him what "friends" do, and he defined "friends" as people who came to our house and played. After we joined a weekly small group from church, where we go to someone else's house every week, he has been perfectly content.

If your child is expressing a need for friends, defining terms and expectations can be very helpful.

At first, I really hoped that the small group weekly get together would produce friends for Builder Boy. There were two boys close to his age and I had high hopes. But as time went on it became clear that Builder Boy did not fit in with those boys; and one in particular did not want to include Builder Boy.

On one hand, I can understand. Builder Boy is still working on his speech; if you're not used to listening to him, he can sometimes be difficult to understand. He likes things a certain way and when things do not happen that way, he can get upset. Which, thanks to emotional over-excitabilites, is more emotionally expressive than other kids would expect. Builder Boy also has different interests than other kids his age, and has not been exposed to most of the pop culture that the other kids have.

On the other hand, I had very few friends as a child; in some grades none at all. I am very sensitive to my child being purposely excluded. (Which he is thankfully so far oblivious to.)

I had a good talk with the mother of the other little boy, and

I realized that I needed to adjust my expectations. 

It was unfair of me to expect that group to provide everything for my kids, friend wise. Even though it would have been nice. And talking to Builder Boy I realized, he has different needs than the ones I have been trying to fill. For Builder Boy, everyone (unless they are out right mean to him) is his friend. So he thinks he has a ton of friends. He doesn't really have much of a desire for much else at this time. (Which is not unusual for a seven year old boy.)

Determine your child's actual needs.

 

And lastly, diversify.

This applies to both where you are looking for friends, and what your idea of a friend is. Builder Boy does much better with kids much younger or older than him. Okay, I need to stop obsessing about him having a best friend his own age. Now that it's almost summer and our out-of-home activities are over for the "school" year, we have more free time for playdates. Early Bird's "bestest buddy EVER" from our church is from a homeschooling family with older boys that are very sweet about playing with the several years younger Builder Boy. And it's working out GREAT! Their mom, who I have talked to about having difficulty finding friends, has suggested that he's more likely to have stuff in common with homeschooling kids than with public school kids. (Not trying to be a homeschooling snob. That's just been her experience.) So, gulp! we're going to join their learning club in the fall. We're also looking at Boy Scouts or 4-H clubs in the area, though that's probably going to be put off until next year. One new thing at a time! We will probably have a better chance finding friends where we know they will share at least one interest.

Builder Boy came out of his Sunday School class all excited last week because he finally had a friend! It was girl. Not that I have a problem with him making friends with a girl; I was just hoping he could hang out with a boy, too. But he's very excited and he made her a card to invite her to our home to play. He noticed that her dress had rainbows on it, so he inferred she must like rainbows and made her this card:

Flowers, a rainbow, butterflies, and hearts. Not your typical boy card; but super sweet. He drew what thought she would like.

I don't have all the answers; and we still don't have scores of kids clamoring to be the boys' friends. But each is getting the needs they have at this time met; and that makes a happy mama.

So if you, too, are struggling to find friends for your homeschooled and/or gifted kids, here are my tips:

• Determine your child's actual needs.

• If your child is expressing a need for friends, define terms and expectations so you're on the same page.

• Adjust your expectations.

• Diversify.

This blog post was my contribution to the GHF Special Tips, Toys, Tricks, and Tools for Parenting and Educating Gifted/2E Blog Hop. For more great tips, toys, tricks, and tools, click here.

"Genius" vs. "Gifted"

Confession: I inwardly cringe when you call my child a "genius." I'm sure it's meant as a complement, but all I hear is "stop bragging about your kid."

Maybe it's because growing up, the word "genius" was thrown around as an insult by the other kids at school. Maybe it's because I know the only "real" geniuses are the top 2%, and it's statistically unlikely my child is one of those 2%. But whatever the reason, when someone casually applies it to one (or all) of my children, I withdraw; shut down. You might be saying "wow, your kids are so smart!" What I hear is "stop talking about your kids and making me feel bad about mine." And that very well may be all on me, hearing the wrong thing. My experience, and articles on blogs about how "everyone is gifted" and posts on forums about how someone doesn't believe three years olds can read because her four year old isn't so you must be lying. Because I know all too well that comparison is a thief of joy, I am extra sensitive to not wanting to put other parents in the position where they feel bad about their own child. So most of the time, I don't say anything. Within groups of moms talking and sharing, I smile and nod and keep it zipped. I tired reaching out when I freaked out about my not yet three year old starting to read; I did not get a good reaction from the mom group I asked for help from. So I'm gun shy now about saying anything. Even on my private facebook, with just family and friends, I hold back. I only share the occasional funny thing they say; nothing about academic achievements. Lady Bug is just a baby; not even an advanced one that I can see. But I shared something she did and someone said "don't be surprised she's a genius, just like her brothers." I know, I know, it was meant as a compliment. But please, world, stop throwing the word "genius" around. Genius is a word used to identify 2% of the population. My kids are not geniuses. My kids (at least, my boys are; not sure about the baby girl yet) are "gifted."

Just as "genius" identifies 2% of the population, "gifted" identifies people (adults as well as children) who's brains work differently from most of the population. There are intellectual advantages, as well as some disadvantages to being gifted.  Gifted describes a difference in brain wiring, just like ADD or autism. But some (unfortunately very vocal) people tend to take issue with the term "gifted" unlike ADD or autism. Because, they reason, if only some people are gifted, then they don't have "gifts." (I'm not going to link to the latest blog post gone viral on this. She's not going to get even more traffic from me.) Nope, not how that works. Most people have at least one special talent or ability or personality trait that is a gift to themselves and to others. That is not what the word "gifted" means in this context. And sadly, despite plenty of information out on the internet, people still refuse to accept this. Some refuse, despite evidence to the contrary, that people like this even exist. It's all bragging and lies. Others think that gifted people aren't that different, so they don't need a label; especially one that marginalizes their children. The problem with that is gifted kids, who learn differently from the average student, can struggle just as much as a child with a learning disability. Not to mention the 2E kids who are both gifted and have a learning disability! Just because gifted kids are "smart" doesn't mean they'll do well enough in school. Gifted kids need special education, just like the "special education" kids. And as long as we keep denying them the label, the funding for special education for gifted kids is going to keep being one of the first things cut in the school budget.

Okay, I may have gone a bit off topic there. My point is, gifted people are real; they exist. They are measurably different in such a way that demands a label. "Gifted" is that label. Please stop trying to take that away from them. Just like the label "ADD" doesn't diminish those who don't have it, "gifted" doesn't take away from you either. But if you try to take it away from them, it takes away a lot.

And please don't throw "genius" around, either.

This blog is part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page inaugural Blog Hop on The “G” Word (“Gifted”).  To read more blogs in this hop, visit this Blog Hop at www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_the_g_word.htm

Spring Skirts

A few years ago I made the personal choice to wear just skirts. I was sick of spending hours trying on every pair of pants in the store (it seemed,) only to find nothing I felt comfortable wearing. My shape just always seemed wrong for the pants that were made for mass consumption. My shape kept changing too, with shifting weight gain and rare loss, which made it even more frustrating. One summer for a ladies' weekend retreat I packed one pair of pants and two skirts; only to find out once I was there that the pants didn't fit! I spent the weekend in just skirts and...it was so comfortable! That was it for me, and I haven't gone back. I currently own zero pants that are fit to be seen outside of the house, and one pair for around the house that I rarely wear.

I also have chosen for myself to mostly wear ankle length skirts. That way I don't have to worry about having a Marlyn Moment, or bending over, or have to worry if I've shaved recently enough. It has been so freeing for me. The trouble is, sometimes it's hard to find a skirt that fits my personal preferences. I tend to also think fuller skirts flatter my figure more than straight up and down, and that's not necessarily in high demand. Which means less availability and higher prices. So when Dusty from To the Moon and Back asked me to share about my skirts for her blog hop, I was happy to help others looking for similar to what I like. (And hopefully be pointed in the direction of some new skirts!) Here are four skirts for spring:

Picture by Builder Boy

Picture by Early Bird

This purple skirt I actually have also in navy blue and in gray. I purchased the purple one and the gray one last year around January after I became pregnant at Kmart, and the navy blue two years before that. So it's probably something they sell every year. I think they sell it in the fall/winter time (because it's long.) They are generous enough in the elastic, and I was so sick with my pregnancy, that they fit through the whole pregnancy, and fit just fine now. It's a great casual skirt. It's not as full as I usually prefer, but for less than $20, it's a good deal. Sticking around the house, I wear it with a t-shirt or long sleeve shirt, depending. For leaving the house, I like it with this ruffle shirt that was a gift. Since it's still a bit cool here, I add the....I have no idea what this is called. It's a white.....button-less sweater? I picked it up at Walmart last year. Come fall this year I'll be heading back to Kmart to see if they're selling this skirt again in another color.

Picture by Builder Boy (in a rush)

Later that day

This floral pattern skirt is one of my all time favorites. I love the way it flows and swirls! I love the sound of it swishing, the fell of it trailing behind me coming down the stairs....this skirt makes me feel like royalty. I also get complements on it from strangers when I leave the house in it. It's pretty enough for special occasions, but the fabric is washable enough that I'm comfortable wearing it around the house any day. I got it on Amazon.com from a company Skirts 'N Scarves and sadly, at the time of writing this they're sold out, but they do have similar skirts for around $20. So far I just wear it with solid color, nice t-shirts. I have not yet found the shirt style that is my favorite like skirts are, so I go with what I have that is simple.

The skirt that started it all.

This beige/tan skirt was the skirt that convinced me that I could go skirts-only. The cloth is stain resistant and durable, and is great for things you shouldn't do in a delicate skirt like gardening or deep cleaning the bath tub. I wish I had several more of these. I originally got it 3 or 4 years ago, on sale at the end of a season at Old Navy (maybe $10 on sale?) I've got back once or twice since then, and bought a different ON skirt, but they didn't have any more of these at the time. But I'm going to keep looking, because having more than one of these would be very useful. Because it's a neutral color, I can wear it with any top I have. It is actually a size or two too big for me. I have to wear it with the elastic folded over a belt to keep it on. (It fit better when I first bought it.) I knew it was a bit big when I bought it, but I didn't mind the extra fabric. It's been comfy when my weight swings up, and I can always keep it on with a belt. Better too big than too small! It was the only size they had (clearance sale.)

Picture taken by Principal Daddy

My fourth skirt I'm sharing about I have mentioned before on my blog. This is my favorite special occasion skirt. It's the Sakkas Raw Edge Tiered Ribbon Gypsy Boho Long Cotton Skirt / One Size that I found at Amazon.com for $25. I wore it for Easter, and probably wear it once a month to church. And sometimes at home, when I'm not going to be doing on my hands and knees cleaning and want to feel extra pretty or need a pick-me-up.

I have not been successful at finding a comfortable, ankle length skirt, in a pattern I like, in my size at a thrift store. And I've looked; a lot.

This post is my contribution to the Seasonal Skirts Blog Hop. Check out the other skirts at the following blogs:

Dusty at To the Moon and Back
Erin at For Him and My Family
Laura at Raising Soldiers 4 Christ
Kyndra at Sticks, Stones, and Chicken Bones
Selena at Look! We're Learning!
Mrs. Warde at Sceleratus Classical Academy
Cynthia at Cynce's Place
Melissa at Life Off the Paved Road
Dawnita at Fogleman Forerunner
Hilary at Our Homeschool Studio
Annette at In All You Do

Tips for Taking Your Kid to the Dentist

I call him Principal Daddy on our blog because I consider him the honorary principal of our home school. But Principal Daddy is actually a dental assistant extraordinaire. The kind that does more than just suction spit. He's been working in the field since I was pregnant with Builder Boy, and has almost 8 years of experience working with kids in one of the most kid (and adult) feared professions. I myself suffer from dental phobia, and that is not something I want to pass on to my kids.

Because the kids have a dental assistant for a father, before last week the kids had never been examined by a dentist before. But they had been to Daddy's office many times. I believe that familiarity with the surroundings helped them a lot. Builder Boy did very well, but Early Bird still had some reservations.


The panoramic x-rays were a problem for him. Principal Daddy says, because this is the least invasive x-ray, he's never encountered such resistance before. He suggests doing only what x-rays your young child is comfortable with. If they're not comfortable with any of it, then don't do any. The goal of the first visit is a good experience. It is not necessary to push through the first time.

Early Bird wasn't quite thrilled with the chair. (I hate them, too.) Getting the chair back and in position and then letting him get on helped with that. In the past we've let them "ride" the chair up and down, just to get them comfortable with it; but it had been a while.

One of the things that really seemed to help Early Bird was that we brought our tablet with his favorite game. When he got too stressed out, we handed him the tablet and let him take a break. It really helped to calm him down. And it was great for the in between waiting times. Builder Boy was content with the in flight movie, but Early Bird wasn't into it.

When it came time to do the actual work, it helped that Early Bird knew the guy working on him. Principal Daddy has practiced with them, flossing their teeth with them lying down with their heads in his lap. They've also been getting practice with a buzzing sound in their mouths by using an electric toothbrush every night. When it came time for the buzzing tooth polisher, Early Bird had a little bit of trouble, but once it was started, it was familiar enough to his usual toothbrush that it was okay. He did complain about the sound; I wished I'd had muffling headphones for him. It also helped to let Early Bird touch the buzzing polisher with his hand, with him in control, before putting it in his mouth.

Thanks to Daddy being the one who brushes and flosses their teeth most nights (yes, even the 7 year old) there were no cavities to be dealt with. After the special cleaning it was just a quick check by the dentist and some fluoride and we were outta there! Familiarity helped a lot; many offices will let you bring your kid in before their appointment to meet, walk around, and observe to get comfortable with their surroundings. If you find an office willing, several "getting to know you" visits and tours might be a good idea for an extra nervous kid.

Builder Boy Chillin'

So here are the

 8 Tips for Taking Your Kid to the Dentist

1. Familiarity is extremely helpful.
2. Find someone who is good with kids and will work with you.*
3. Start at home by using an electric toothbrush so they're used to something buzzing in their mouth and floss their teeth with them lying back so they're used to being worked on in that position.
4. Bring a distraction/something that calms them down and gives them a mental break.
5. If they tend to be sensitive to noise, bring noise canceling headphones or a music player with headphones. 
6. For sensory sensitive kids, I have been told that a wet, cold washcloth on the back of the neck can help distract the brain. (Disclaimer: I have no experience with this.)
7. If information helps your kid: give it to them. Builder Boy is fascinated with the "bugs on his teeth." But if your kid is not like that: Principal Daddy recommends keeping things vague.
8. Don't be afraid to bribe. We used dinner at their favorite restaurant. And cookies. And the treasure box the office had.

 

*For parents of younger kids: find out what the age restriction is for seeing a pediatric dentist for the first time. With some states or insurances, if you don't see the pediatric dentist for the first time before they are 5 or 7, they will not be covered. Once they're being seen by one they will be covered until they are quite a bit older, but if you try to see one for the first time after the limit, it's no good.

For this week only, Principal Daddy is willing to answer any preparing, non-medical questions asked in the comments section. He will not be able to give medical advice, but any questions about how to approach situations with your child will be addressed within his experience.

This blog post was my contribution to the GHF blog hop. Click here for more great blog posts.

"You're Not the Boss of Me!"

Sometimes you just have to say to your curriculum "you're not the boss of me!"

Okay, maybe I've been hanging around kids a little bit too much, because I could not think of a more grown-up way to say that. But it is Truth, and one I sometimes forget. Sometimes schedules fall apart. Sometimes kids don't learn the way we think they will. Sometimes Life just happens. Usually in February.

This is the time to remember that you child's education will not be ruined if you skip a few lessons. Or chapters. Or if you just take a break in the middle and don't go back for a while. I speak from experience.

I know with the end of the school year in sight, it's hard not to push to just.finish.this.book. But it's not always worth it. Sometimes a break now can mean getting it done faster later. Lots of times I've banged my head on the wall of trying to teach a kid something, only to take a break for a week or two to find that it has finally clicked!

And just because you're taking a break doesn't mean the learning has to stop. One of our most memorable days was when Builder Boy decided he wanted to be the teacher for the day. So we went through our routine with him "teaching" me and Early Bird. It was excellent for review, and gave me a really good idea not only of what he thought of what we do every day, but how well he understood the material. You know the saying, "the best way to learn is to teach"? Plan a day (or if your child is older have them plan it!) where your child is the teacher and see what they come up with.

Another fun break-while-still-learning is rabbit trails or unit studies. Let the kid pick a topic that interests them, get some library books, and roll with it for a week or two. We've ended up learning quite a few things doing that, and it's always been fun.

Or do school in character. Pick a time period or setting, have everyone be a character, and dress and act the part! Do school in a deep voice or a British accent! Remember to respond only to your character's name and no other.

I know that the burden of being solely responsible for our children's education is heavy and serious. We love our kids and don't want to mess them up; their future depends on this! But school is going to go better for everyone if you are the one controlling it, instead of the curricula controlling you. It's a tool, not dictator. You use it; it does not use you. When we have an extra day when we have to leave the house for appointments or something, I skip a copywork assignment in writing. Builder Boy's hasn't finished the current level in his math curriculum, even though he can work at a higher level. I'm not going to commit us to finishing this level. The next level has review; when the next level arrives in the mail we're going to start it then. It also helps that we school year round which gives us more flexibility.

So go easy on yourself (and your kids) and don't let your curricula boss you around.

This blog post is my contribution for the

Staying Motivated Throughout the Homeschool Year Blog Hop

 

Click here for the list of other contributions.

Homeschooling an Early Learner

Early Bird makes me really glad we homeschool. I enjoyed homeschooling even when it was just with Builder Boy. But I could never put Early Bird in a regular brick and mortar school. I have read too many personal stories of people who tired to work with a gifted child in the pubic school system and had a miserable time of it. And honestly, grade acceleration isn't what young, early learners need when their output levels don't match their input needs. Early Bird finished kindergarten level reading on his 3rd birthday, but a year and a half later still can't write. He can read at a 2nd/3rd grade level, but isn't ready for a whole chapter book. He's working at a 1st grade level in math, but still needs kindergarten manipulatives. And science he's....I'm not sure what grade level, but he's learning everything Builder Boy (2nd grade) is learning, but can't do the writing and worksheets and such that Builder Boy does. He's 4 and half years old. So we're homeschooling, and we'll probably be homeschooling until the kids are through high school.

Early Bird's first word read at age 2 years, 10 months

Concerning finding the perfect reading curriculum for a 2 year old who is learning to read: there isn't one. I looked for one, I asked around, such a thing does not exist. And waiting until your child is old enough for the curriculum that do exist is not an option when your child is begging to learn. After you're done freaking out about this development, teach them. They've already started learning, keep doing what you did that got them there. Teaching My Baby to Read has a lot of really wonderful ideas for using with young children that are inexpensive and DIY. Her blog is where I found out about the LeapFrog Word Builder that I bought for Early Bird when he had learned his letter names and sounds at age 2.5.

One of the best pieces of advice for teaching reading I learned from The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer: don't tie reading to writing. Some kids are ready to read long before they are ready to write. But if you tie the two together it can frustrate the early learner. I extended that to all learning for Early Bird. I'm not keeping him from learning something just because he can't do any accompanying worksheet or assignment. We do everything verbally and will continue to do so until he is ready to write. This makes doing 2nd grade history and science possible with an interested 4 year old.

When you do find a curriculum that you like remember: you are not a slave to the curriculum.You do not have to teach everything in that one curriculum, you can leave parts out that don't work for you. Needing to leave out a writing assignment or something else does not mean that it's necessarily the wrong program for you when you're using it with an early learner.

Reviewing 2nd grade words at 4 years, 7 months old

Concerning gap fears: you're probably going to have them. Both the fears, and the gaps. When a child is galloping ahead in interest and ability, some things do get left in the dust. Sometimes you don't find the gaps until an embarrassing time. Sometimes you figure them out. My favorite way to find gaps in the mos gaps areas is to occasionally do a grade level (of your child's age) general skills workbook that you can get at Walmart or the dollar store or Amazon.com. If they can do one of those with no problem, then you're probably okay.

We are working through our reading curriculum as review even though Early Bird is reading at a high level than the lessons for the express reason of covering any gaps he may have missed. He loves doing this, so it does not frustrate him. This will not hold true for all early learners.

Mostly know that gaps happen with all children and they are nothing to be feared. Once discovered, and you will discover them eventually, children can learn what they need to fill it.

Concerning tests and finding your child's level: for the early stages you can use this blog post to figure out your early reader's reading level. I have also written about other reading assessment options, and I am continuing to look into other option.

I truly understand the desire to test your early learner and validate what you suspect about your child. Before you spend a lot of money having your kid tested, think about your reasons for testing. The Accelerated Learner Board on the The Well Trained Mind Forum has a lot of posts about testing, reasons for testing, and advice from homeschooling parents who have done it. Above all remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

Lastly, you can do it, and they can help. Homeschooling a gifted child can be both easier and much harder than homeschooling a neuro-typical child. Involve your child in curriculum choices and explore the rabbit trails. Let them develop a passion and go as far as they can with it. Try to remember to treat them like their age instead of their age level. And with the really little early learners remember that there is still plenty of time to get to everything.

This post is part of a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Blog Hop

Check out some of the other contributions in the hop:

5 Things You Need to Know Before Homeschooling a Gifted/2E Kid – RedWhiteandGrew.com
A Cattle Prod or a Magic Wand? – A 2e Fox Revived
A Dyscalculia Story and Aggressive Acceptance – Chasing Hollyfeld
Acronyms R Us – Buffalo Mama
Before You Teach, Erase Your Memories – Wenda Sheard, J.D. Ph.D. Thoughts on Life & Learning
Homeschooling an Early Learner – Sceleratus Classical Academy
Homeschooling and the Situational 2E – Crushing Tall Poppies
Homeschooling Gifted Learners – Eclectic Homeschooling
Homeschooling My Gifted Children (Newly updated!) – Corin Barsily Goodwin, GHF
Homeschooling my gifted/2e son for one month so far – San Antonio Charter Moms
Homeschooling Your Gifted Child – Modern Homeschooling
Nine things I love about homeschooling my 2e son…and four things I despise. – Laughing at Chaos
What Anxiety Looks Like – Quarks and Quirks

Buy Yourself Something Pretty

As parents, and especially mothers, we sacrifice a lot for our children. Which is loving and wonderful, except sometimes we do it to the point of neglecting our own needs. And when we do that we put ourselves in a condition that affects our mood and can degrade the quality of our time spent with our kids.

Sometimes we need to be a little more "selfish" for the good of our kids. And if you're like me you need to be reminded of this and sometimes be given permission to do this.

Here is my personal example:
As my regular readers know, this year I did two very big, money-sucking things; my family moved to another state and I survived a very difficult pregnancy. The whole of 2013 has been emotionally, physically, and financially draining. We're short on enthusiasm, energy, and cash. Which is why I spent the money my mother gave me for my birthday on things we needed for the baby.

A few weeks ago I actually won a blog raffle (plugging IrishMum's homeschooling blog AirSkull) for a $25 Amazon gift card. I saw myself having three choices: spend it on things for homeschool, buy things we need for the baby, or spend it on myself. I have a wonderful group of internet mom friends who convinced me to spend it on myself. I chose to buy something I'd had in my Amazon wishlist for a long time but haven't purchased because I didn't consider it necessary or practical: a Raw Edge Tiered Ribbon Gypsy Boho Long Cotton Skirt . I got it in the mail this week and I LOVE it! This skirt makes me feel like Cinderella; and that's coming from someone who wears a skirt every day! Wearing it puts a spring in my step, makes me smile, and causes a tendency to randomly twirl. Best of all this small indulgence made me feel rich and beautiful.

Picture taken by Builder Boy

Now for you, your pretty thing might not be a skirt. It might be something you wear, something you decorate your house with, something that smells nice, maybe even something that most people wouldn't find all that attractive. The point is to find something that is just for you and makes you smile. Something you will use or see on a regular basis that when you see it gives you a brief rest of spirit and a reminder that you are worth something special now and again. Which can really raise your spirits when circumstances won't let you sleep.

So I'm giving you permission like my friends gave me: buy yourself something that will make you happy. (No, this does not make you materialistic.) Spend a little something on yourself so you can be a happier parent for the offspring you are sacrificing for. You are worth it, and it's good for them, too.

This post is part of a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Blog Hop

Click here for the rest of the Blog Hop contributions.

___________________________________________________________________
I promise this post is not just an ad or an excuse to get you to click on my Amazon affiliate links. I included the links because when I posted the picture of me in the skirt on facebook I got a lot of people asking me where I got it. The skirt is also available in a somewhat shorter version. (Just trying to be helpful!)