Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 7

Today is the last day of the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the guest posts at Teaching My Baby to Read and the contribution at Dancing with Dragons about "Teaching the Visual Spatial Learner: When Your Child Thinks in Pictures".

I've had a wonderful time learning from all the blogs!

(My contribution from day 2 is here.)

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 6

Today is the sixth day of the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the contributions at  Making Music With Kids about "Finding a Good Fit for a Preschooler You Suspect is Gifted" and at Barely Educational about "Worrying Too Much and Overanalyzing Parenting."


(My contribution from day two is here.)

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 5

Today is the fifth day of the  Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the contributions at A Tree House Education about "2E Issues" and Homeschool in Florida about "Get Out of Your Own Way: How to Listen to the Needs of Your Gifted Child".


(My contribution from day two is here.)

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 4

Today is the fourth day of the  Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the contributions at Homeschooling: Or Who's Ever Even Home about "A Broader Definition of Success for Gifted Children".

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 3

Today is the third day of the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the contributions at Teaching My Baby to Read about “When School Isn't Enough; Fanning the Flames of Learning Afterschool”.

Don't Panic! Musings about realizing that your child's learning is ahead of schedule.

Before Early Bird I would have told you that I was flexible; that I could adapt to whatever happened. I love making lists and schedules, but I don't always stick to them, and I can throw them out and start again if I need to. I really love knowing what to expect. I love those milestone lists and charts for kids. I bought a book with some in them before I was even married! (It was on sale and I put it in my hope chest.) When I had Builder Boy I studied those lists and charts and knew what was developmentally appropriate and worked on those things. He never disappointed me and kept to the schedule.
 
Then Early Bird came along and six weeks before his 3rd birthday he started reading. On his own. In one week he went from reading "bed" and "red" to over 40 consonant-vowel-consonant words. Two and a half weeks later he could read any CVC word presented to him, was working on consonant blends, and had several "sight" words memorized as well.

I started panicking. I wasn't ready yet to teach him. I knew what I was going to do with Builder Boy; I had a plan. But I didn't have a plan for Early Bird; I wasn't emotionally prepared to have an early learner. I found myself thinking over and over, "What am I going to do with him?" I could not think of anything else. I could make no plan; my confidence was gone. I started "borrowing guilt," as my father-in-law put it. I was worried about ruining this, of teaching him wrong, of pushing too much, of holding him back, of killing his joy in learning. I worried that he would become frustrated with a lack of knowledge and stop wanting to learn. I worried that he would just memorize words and be a fast sight reader but a terrible speller (like I am.) I didn't know if I should work with him to make sure he learned his phonics, but risk taking the joy out of learning for him, or if I should leave him to his own devices and risk him learning things wrong or getting frustrated and give up. He asked over and over to "do words," begging to start and pleading not to stop way past the time I felt used up. I was afraid to stop before he was ready, afraid of saying "no more!'' and possibly discouraging him.

I reached out to people in my life, looking for help. I asked for prayers for God's guidance and for peace of mind. But the people I asked could not understand why I was freaking out about something that they saw as being so good. I process things better when I can talk to someone; bounce off ideas and get advice that I would never think of. But no one in my life could help me. So I gathered my courage and started a thread on the Accelerated Learners board where I had been lurking, asking for help. And I got it. I got to hear from people who had dealt with the same emotions that I had. I learned that, yes, it is possible Early Bird would become a sight reader and a horrible speller and that other parents had dealt with it and I could, too. I learned that there was a possibility that he might give up and stop for a while but that that didn't mean he'll never learn again. And most of all I recognized my dependence on needing a plan, needing to know what to expect and what was going to happen. I learned that I needed to accept that I was not going to be able to control this and that I needed to let go of some things. It helped a lot and as I "talked" with people on the board my panic receded. I still have moments of "what do I do now?" But I am taking everything in stride now. I'm not making plans, I'm just doing what he wants to do (which is still a lot.)

A lot of the advice I received had a lot in common, so I have condensed what I learned from others into:

5 Steps for When You're Panicking:

Step 1) Breathe. This may or may not work for you. If you are holding your breath or forgetting to breathe then this is a very good idea. If you are like me breathing more means hyperventilating. But whether you need to breathe more or less, the main point is to take a moment (or lots of moments) to calm down, if you can.

Step 2) Pray. If you don't believe in God or personal prayer skip to step 3. For those of you who do pray remember that God gives us only what we can handle with His strength. Remember that God answers our prayers on His time, not ours. Remember that God doesn't always give us the answer we want, but the answer that is the best for us. Find someone else to pray for you. I would suggest keeping this to one or two people, and to someone who will understand why you're stressed.

Step 3) Find people who have gone through what you're going through. This helped me tremendously. I didn't get to the point where I felt like I could do this until I got feedback from parents who had been there, done that with early learners. I learned that, yes, my worries about things going wrong could happen but others have dealt with those issues, too. I learned that really good things could happen, too, and I had to make sure I wasn't blocking those things from happening. And I learned that I am not alone.

Step 4) Learn to let go of control and expectations. This step takes time; sometimes a lot of time. I think it took me at least a month, maybe more. It means changing a habit of thinking, a way of looking at things. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't have goals; it does means that you don't stress about the time-frame. This is done best with help from someone who knows you very well.

Step 5) Remember to play and have fun. When I received this advice I thought "well, duh! You don't need to tell me that." He was having a blast playing with letters and words and I wasn't forcing it on him. I remembered to play with other things, too. But in looking at what he was doing and where he was going I overlooked gaps. Sure, he's ready for some 1st grade material, but what about the pre-school skills like coloring, drawing, scissor skills? What about music, which he loves, but we don't do enough of? It took me 4 months to realize that there were gaps, but now that I know I am I have created a "pre-school" just for him so we can work on those things together and I can learn about other gaps that I hadn't anticipated.



I hope someday, when I have more experience, I will be able to help others the way that the wonderful parents over at the Well Trained Mind forum helped (and continue to help) me.

Thanks, you guys.

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour: Day 1

Today is the first day of the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour! Check out the contributions at Childhood Inspired about "Loneliness as a Gifted Parent," and at Our Roxaboxen Adventures about "Identifying Gifted Minority Students."

This blog tour will be going on all week so check it out!

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2012

 Sceleratus Classical Academy is very excited to be participating in the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2012 from July 15-21st. This blog tour is organized by parents who met on The Well Trained Mind Message boards and who would like to help celebrate SENG's National Parenting Gifted Children Week 2012.

This blog tour is not officially associated with The Well Trained Mind or SENG, but we are parents with experience and insights to share. We come from different parts of the country, different school choices, and different social and economic backgrounds, but we all have one thing in common. We know that parenting a gifted child can sometimes be as challenging as it is rewarding. If you have ever woken up at 3 AM in the morning wondering "What am I going to do with this child?" then this blog tour is for you! From July 15-21 the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour will discuss some of the most pertinent issues facing gifted education today:

On July 15th Childhood Inspired will write about "Loneliness as a Gifted Parent". Our Roxaboxen Adventures will discuss "Identifying Gifted Minority Students".

On July 16th Sceleratus Classical Academy will share "Don't Panic! Musings about realizing that your child's learning pattern is ahead of schedule."

On July 17th Teaching My Baby to Read will feature “When School Isn't Enough; Fanning the Flames of Learning Afterschool”.

On July 18th Homeschooling: or Who’s Ever Home will write about "A Broader Definition of Success for Gifted Children".

On July 19th A Tree House Education will feature "2E Issues". Homeschool in Florida will share "Get Out of Your Own Way: How to Listen to the Needs of Your Gifted Child".

On July 20th Making Music With Kids will discuss "Finding a Good Fit for a Preschooler You Suspect is Gifted". Barely Educational will offer "Worrying Too Much and Overanalyzing Parenting"

On July 21st Teaching My Baby to Read will feature guest posts. Dancing with Dragons will write about "Teaching the Visual Spatial Learner: When Your Child Thinks in Pictures".

Come back to this blog on July 16th for my post about panicking over the unexpected and unplanned and how I dealt with it.